the things i cannot change

the things i cannot change

are growing within,

to the top of my skin,

and giving me shape -

all messy and unnamed,

like sins that save lives

and like prayers before they work -

 

crack me open and find

a toxic template for luring love,

i am my own sweet deity

with some certain lessons

that i should hold onto,

for balance and for

practicing my best self -

 

all these things i’ve done,

the punishment

an abrupt understanding and

distance from that which

( i was convinced )

could guide me towards

safety and comfort -

 

how romantic,

to rearrange my traumas

so that she can love me

on her own terms,

how beautiful,

blowing on glowing embers

so that she can love me

and also burn -

 

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© 2018 by D. Inez "Z" Bell